- My partner is very supportive of my interests and activities.
- Ya, he/she is interested and likes to hear about my hobbies. He/she comes to support me if I have a game or performance. (0 points)
- Some of them but he/she seems to be bored when I talk about them. (1 point)
- Not at all. He/she actually makes fun of me for the stuff I do outside of school. He/she thinks most of my interests that are different from his/hers are dumb. (3 points)
- My partner is well liked by my friends and family
- My friends think he/she’s really cool and my parents even think he/she’s good for me! (0 points)
- A few of my friends think he/she’s shady, and my parents are on the fence. (1 point)
- My parents want me to break up with him/her and my friends miss me. (3 points)
- My partner tells me what I should wear
- No way! My partner doesn’t care what I wear. (zero points)
- Sometime he/she comments that he/she doesn’t like what I’m wearing. (1 point)
- Yeah, he/she criticizes my clothes a lot. (3 points)
- My partner always has to know where I am.
- Not really. We communicate about our plans but he/she doesn’t have to know where I am all the time. (zero points)
- He/she’s started “checking up” on me more recently. (2 points)
- Yes! He/she is constantly trying to find me and asking me what I’m doing. (3 points)
- My partner picks fights with people who talk to me of the opposite sex.
- No. I have both guy and girl friends and he/she’s cool with it. (zero points)
- It depends. Sometimes when I talk to people of the opposite sex he/she gets pouty or mad. (1 point)
- Definitely. Every time I talk to a person of the opposite sex he/she starts hating them and asking me about whether I’m cheating. They’ve even picked fights before with the person. (2 points)
- My partner pressures me into sexual activities.
- No. We do sexual things when we’re both ready. (zero points)
- With certain stuff. Sometimes I don’t feel ready to go further and he/she tries to convince me. (2 points)
- Ya, my partner wants to move really fast and tries to physically force me to. (3 points)
- I feel safe with my partner.
- Of course. Weird question! (zero points)
- I’m sometimes scared he/she’ll get angry. (2 points)
- I feel unsafe and scared my partner will hurt me. (3 points)
- I feel comfortable and happy when I’m with my partner.
- Yes! We have a great time together. (zero points)
- We sometimes have fun, when he/she’s in a good mood. (1 point)
- We sometimes get along and I’m happy, but only right after we’ve had a big fight. (3 points)
What’s Your Score?
0-4 points - You have a pretty healthy relationship with your partner. Your relationship sounds like it has qualities of trust and respect. You and your partner are probably both very independent and the motto of your relationship is more along the lines of “I want you in my life,” rather than “I can’t live without you.” We should let you know, however, that dating violence can happen to anyone, so it’s good to know as much as you can about it.
4-15 points - You may have told yourself recently that your relationship would get better if you just tried harder. It sounds like your partner is making you progressively feel worse about yourself. No one should treat others like they are unworthy. If you want to know more about abusive relationships, or just need someone to talk to, there is support at your school, on the internet and at home. Also, HAVEN has a 24 hour line to talk at 586-4111.
15-24 points - Your score makes it sound like you’re in a situation that is already unhealthy or has a strong potential to be unhealthy soon. No one should use intimidation and fear to get what they want from another person, let alone their boyfriend/girlfriend. Sometimes it may seem scary to leave the situation and you may feel like you are to blame for the way your partner acts. You are never to blame for someone else hurting you, no matter what you do. Your partner is responsible for his/her actions. Even if you don’t have friends and family to turn to for support out of this situation, there is other support. The Network has a 24 line at 586-4111. In the end, though, you know what is best for you.