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Abuse Defined

 
 

what is Domestic violence?

Domestic violence (DV) is a serious, preventable public health problem that affects millions of Americans. The term “domestic violence” describes physical violence, sexual violence, economic abuse, spiritual abuse, stalking, or psychological harm by a current or former partner or spouse.

This type of violence can occur among heterosexual or same-sex couples and does not require sexual intimacy. Domestic violence affects every community across the country, regardless of ethnic group, culture, or background. People of all ages, income levels, faiths, sexual orientations, gender, and education levels experience domestic violence. Domestic violence isolates the person being abused and can rob inner strength, feelings of self-worth and the ability to make personal choices. Often people experiencing abuse begin to feel responsible for the abuse. Domestic violence is not a private matter, a family problem, a domestic “squabble” or a “fight.” It is not a momentary loss of temper or the abuse of drugs and alcohol. Abusers choose to use tactics of violence repeatedly to gain power and control.

what is SEX TRAFFICKING?

Sex trafficking is a type of human trafficking and is a form of modern day slavery. It is a serious public health problem that negatively affects the well-being of individuals, families, and communities. Human trafficking occurs when a trafficker exploits an individual with force, fraud, or coercion to make them perform commercial sex or work. Sex trafficking is defined by the Trafficking Victims Protection Act of 2000 as “the recruitment, harboring, transportation, provision, obtaining, patronizing, or soliciting of a person for the purpose of a commercial sex act.” It involves the use of force, fraud, or coercion to make an adult engage in commercial sex acts. However, any commercial sexual activity with a minor, even without force, fraud, or coercion, is considered trafficking.

what is Stalking?

Stalking is a public health problem that affects millions of women and men in the United States. Stalking occurs when someone repeatedly harasses or threatens someone else, causing fear or safety concerns.

Definitions Source: Centers for Disease Control

 
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Cycle of Violence

In some relationships there is a pattern of abuse. The abuse is rarely a one-time-only event – usually the abusive incidents will increase in number and seriousness.

No matter what you do, the abuser will always find new reasons to explode. The violence isn’t about your behavior – it is about the abuser wanting power and control and manipulating you to achieve it.

 

Honeymoon Phase I:

Abusive relationships don’t start with abuse.

Abusers often appear:

  • Charming

  • As a knight in shining armor

  • Helpful and considerate

  • To enforce traditional gender role in a chivalrous way

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Abusive relationships move very quickly at the beginning. Abusers may profess love or propose marriage much sooner than expected. Often, the cycle of abuse moves into the next phase when a major event takes place, such as marriage, moving in together or pregnancy.

 

Tension Building Phase

 

Abuser may:

  • Pick fights

  • Act jealous & possessive

  • Criticize, threaten

  • Drink, use drugs

  • Be moody, unpredictable

  • Be crazy-making

Partner may:

  • Feel like they are walking on eggshells

  • Try to reason with the abuser

  • Try to calm or appease the abuser

  • Feel afraid or anxious

  • Provoke the abuser

 

Explosion/Crisis Phase

 

Abuser may:

  • Verbally abuse

  • Sexually assault

  • Physically abuse

  • Increase control over money

  • Restrain partner

  • Destroy property, phone

Partner may:

  • Experience fear, shock

  • Protect self & children

  • Use self-defense

  • Call for help

  • Try to flee, leave

  • Pray for it to stop

 

Honeymoon Phase II

 

Abuser may:

  • Ask for forgiveness

  • Promise it won’t happen again

  • Stop drinking, using drugs

  • Go to counseling

  • Be affectionate

  • Minimize or deny abuse

Partner may:

  • Forgive

  • Return home

  • Arrange for counseling

  • Feel hopeful

  • Blame self

  • Minimize or deny abuse

 

Violence begins with less serious forms and progresses to more severe and more frequent violence. While some abuse can be restricted to “just verbal” or “just emotional” that does not mean that verbal/emotional abuse is not traumatic. Emotional wounds from abusive relationships take time to repair. The abuse can escalate over time. If the survivor begins to show signs of not tolerating the abuse, the abuser can become more intense in their emotional/verbal abuse, begin to use threats and intimidation, even to physical violence in order to exert and maintain power and control. Domestic violence works for abusers because it is effective in controlling their intimate partner by fear.